Very late, or very early?

Haha! So here I am, blogging yet again. It is now 2:22 in the morning and I should've gone to bed hours ago. I got back home from the hot tub at around 12:24 and got in the shower. In the shower, I decided that I wanted to write a blog tonight. I don't have a lot of time, cause cam wants to get on.

So it's been a while since I last blogged so I'll fill you in. Cameron is a good friend of sam, dee and I, and he called up one day and said he needed a place to stay. We welcomed him in with wide open arms. He is an awesome kid!
Also, Colby, Alyse's overly protective brother, came to the apartment. That was interesting! I walk in to my apartment and there is the one kid I did not want here in the apartment. That was quite strange. I tried to put on my best behavior, but in the end, I don't think he was too happy with me... oh well. Colby was over here with a friend. His name is Joe. We've known Joe just as long as we've known Colby. He is an awesome kid. He stayed the night. I did loosen up once Colby left, but him and Joe are very good friends, so I tried to behave well. I think, overall, it ended up being just fine. It was just wierd.

my valentines day was ridiculously boring until night. I got up to go to work, and I was feeling kinda sick. It progressed and by the time I showed up to work, my manager just told me to go home. So I did. I came home to Joe watching underworld evolution. Watched it, tried to stay awake, but, reluctantly ended up in my bed at around 130. I slept for a few hours and then got up and went to target and best buy. We got a new monitor for the new computer that we are putting together on monday! Its a kickass monitor. It is a black samsung 20" widescreen, 15000:1 dynamic contrast ratio piece of kickass shit! Haha! Lol! Anyways, we came home and then went to the jacuzzi. I had been waiting for this all day long. It felt so good to dip in that comfortably steamy water. It really relaxed me and made me feel a little less sick. Now I am staying up blogging, instead of going to bed... Real smart right? Haha!

Anyways, I just wanted to blog.
P.S. I did have a good valentines, it was just on thursday instead of saturday. I got to see my girlfriend. We exchanged presents and hung out for about 3 hours. It wasn't long, but they were a good 3 hours. I enjoyed it. I love you, honey.

...Boredom...

So I decided, after reading Nessa's and Alyse's blogs, that I wanted to blog. One problem: I don't know what to blog about. By the way Nessa, what game do you think sam and cam are playing right now? Haha! You guessed it! Tee Hee!
Anyhoo!
Today I saw my ex-fiancee. That was interesting. I can tell I needed it, even though I didn't want it! It was really really good closure and I was able to finally say that I am completely and fully ready to move on. This was a combination of things.
First, my wonderful girlfriend, Alyse, sure helped a lot. She was there for me through this whole transformation. I really needed someone and Alyse was there. I am so grateful to her and for what she's done! I love her! :->
Second, I didn't realize how much I really did need to find that closure with Julia. This whole time I've just been angry with her, and I realized that it wasn't helping. I pulled up to her house, and sat in the car. Texted her. Told her I was there. She came out. She opens the door and sits down. The first little bit was just small talk. But then we got onto harsher topics such as the miscarriage and me being a jack ass etc. I'm glad I was able to talk to her. The fact that she had my baby in her was quite the shocker to me yesterday, and I needed to know the details. We talked about what happened and then got to me. I have been a jerk to her in the last little bit and I apologized, she apologized and things are better. I'm glad I was able to find closure. I'm getting the money for my ring back and we're both moving on. It's good.
Anyways, on to happier subjects! I am going to Coraline 3D tonight and I am so effing excited! All of my roommates plus nessa have seen it and I haven't! I can't wait! Anyways, it's been nice blogging and I hope I wasn't too repetitive on the closure thing... haha lol jk.

Wow! What a month!

Well this past month has been a very great learning experience. I've learned more about myself than ever. I've also learned more about the caring people around me. :-> I am very happy and content. Last month was quite the emotional rollercoaster, and I'm glad it's over. But I'm also glad that it happened. From my ex-fiancee breaking up with me, to thinking I'm worthless, I've learned a lot. I'm finally ready to move on! As you can tell from my latest blog, I'm doing better, and I am now trying to improve myself. From working out, to school, I want to do something with my life. I'm finally ready for that. Thank you to all who dealt with my emotional train wreck. I'm sometimes a bit of a femme... (at least I can admit it right?) Anyways, you guys; friends, family; are way awesome. Thanx!

Don't worry!

Hey guys, my last blog was quite emotional and I'm sorry. I was at a low place, but my friends and my sister made things better. Thanx Tissa. You guys are awesome. I know that I am loved and that life wouldn't be better without me. I know that you guys care about me and that you would be sad if I left. I'm glad that you helped me notice this. I feel better about myself! Don't worry! I'm fine!

Fuck

I don't know what to say. I fuck everyone over; everyone who I ever meet. Anyone that I ever have something good with, I always do something wrong. I wronged my brother, my sister, my parents. Every girlfriend that broke up with me was because of something I did, and every girl that finally wanted to stay with me I ruined. Who the hell am I and what the hell am I doing to everyone in my life. I can not ever do anything right. I'm a fucked up person who ruins friendships, families, and relationships. And what can I do about it?! I should just hide in my room and never come out. I'm not worth shit.